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FAQ

1. What if I cannot discover my primary love language?

“I’ve taken the Official 5 Love Language® Profile and my scores come out almost even except for Receiving Gifts. I know that is not my primary love language.”

In the book, I discuss three approaches to discovering your love language.

• First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.

• What do you complain about most often? When you say to your spouse, “I don’t think you would ever touch me if I did not initiate it,” you are revealing that Physical Touch is your love language. When your spouse goes on a business trip and you say, “You didn’t bring me anything?” you are indicating that Receiving Gifts is your language. The statement, “We don’t ever spend time together,” indicates the love language of Quality Time. Your complaints reveal your inner desires. (If you have difficulty remembering what you complain about most often, I suggest that you ask your spouse. Chances are they will know.)

• What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expressesyour desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)

One husband told me that he discovered his love language by simply following the process of limination. He knew that Receiving Gifts was not his language so that left only four. He asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the four, which one would I give up first?” His answer was Quality Time. “Of the three remaining, if I had to give up another, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch. He could get along without the pats and hugs and holding hands. This left Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. While he appreciated the things his wife did for him, he knew that her affirming words were really what gave him life. He could go a whole day on a positive comment from her. Thus, Words of Affirmation was his primary love language and Acts of Service his secondary love language.

2. What if I cannot discover my spouse’s love language?

One husband told me that he discovered his love language by simply following the process of limination. He knew that Receiving Gifts was not his language so that left only four. He asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the four, which one would I give up first?” His answer was Quality Time. “Of the three remaining, if I had to give up another, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch. He could get along without the pats and hugs and holding hands. This left Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. While he appreciated the things his wife did for him, he knew that her affirming words were really what gave him life. He could go a whole day on a positive comment from her. Thus, Words of Affirmation was his primary love language and Acts of Service his secondary love language.

3. Does your love language change as you get older?

What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expressesyour desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)

4. Does the 5 love language concept work with children?

“I’ve taken the Official 5 Love Language® Profile and my scores come out almost even except for Receiving Gifts. I know that is not my primary love language.”

5. Do children’s love languages change when they get to be teenagers?

What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expressesyour desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)

6. What if the primary love language of your spouse is difficult for you?

First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.

7. Are some of the love languages found more among women and others with men?

First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.

One husband told me that he discovered his love language by simply following the process of limination. He knew that Receiving Gifts was not his language so that left only four. He asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the four, which one would I give up first?” His answer was Quality Time. “Of the three remaining, if I had to give up another, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch.

8. How did you discover the five love languages?

“I’ve taken the Official 5 Love Language® Profile and my scores come out almost even except for Receiving Gifts. I know that is not my primary love language.”

One husband told me that he discovered his love language by simply following the process of limination. He knew that Receiving Gifts was not his language so that left only four. He asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the four, which one would I give up first?” His answer was Quality Time. “Of the three remaining, if I had to give up another, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch.

9. Do the love languages work in other cultures?

What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expressesyour desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)

10. Why do you think The 5 Love Languages has been so successful?

What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expressesyour desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)

11. What if I speak my spouse’s love language and they don’t respond?

One husband told me that he discovered his love language by simply following the process of limination. He knew that Receiving Gifts was not his language so that left only four. He asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the four, which one would I give up first?” His answer was Quality Time. “Of the three remaining, if I had to give up another, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch. He could get along without the pats and hugs and holding hands. This left Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. While he appreciated the things his wife did for him, he knew that her affirming words were really what gave him life. He could go a whole day on a positive comment from her. Thus, Words of Affirmation was his primary love language and Acts of Service his secondary love language.

12. Can love be reborn after sexual infidelity?

What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expressesyour desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)

First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.

First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.

13. What do you do when a spouse refuses to speak your love language even when they know it?

First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.

class="bt"What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expressesyour desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)

14. Can emotional love return when it has been gone for thirty years?

What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expressesyour desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)

15. How do I speak my spouse’s love language if he/she is away from me for a time (i.e. deployment, work, school)?

First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.

One husband told me that he discovered his love language by simply following the process of limination. He knew that Receiving Gifts was not his language so that left only four. He asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the four, which one would I give up first?” His answer was Quality Time. “Of the three remaining, if I had to give up another, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch. He could get along without the pats and hugs and holding hands. This left Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. While he appreciated the things his wife did for him, he knew that her affirming words were really what gave him life. He could go a whole day on a positive comment from her. Thus, Words of Affirmation was his primary love language and Acts of Service his secondary love language.

16. I’m single. How does the love language concept apply to me?

One husband told me that he discovered his love language by simply following the process of limination. He knew that Receiving Gifts was not his language so that left only four. He asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the four, which one would I give up first?” His answer was Quality Time. “Of the three remaining, if I had to give up another, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch. He could get along without the pats and hugs and holding hands. This left Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. While he appreciated the things his wife did for him, he knew that her affirming words were really what gave him life. He could go a whole day on a positive comment from her. Thus, Words of Affirmation was his primary love language and Acts of Service his secondary love language.

17. My spouse is emotionally abusive. Am I still supposed to speak his/her love language?

First, observe how you most often express love to others. If you are regularly doing acts of service for others, this may be your love language. If you are consistently verbally affirming people, then Words of Affirmation is likely your love language.

One husband told me that he discovered his love language by simply following the process of limination. He knew that Receiving Gifts was not his language so that left only four. He asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the four, which one would I give up first?” His answer was Quality Time. “Of the three remaining, if I had to give up another, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch. He could get along without the pats and hugs and holding hands. This left Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. While he appreciated the things his wife did for him, he knew that her affirming words were really what gave him life. He could go a whole day on a positive comment from her. Thus, Words of Affirmation was his primary love language and Acts of Service his secondary love language.

18. Does past trauma affect my ability to feel loved?

What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expressesyour desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)

19. I’m depressed and have no energy or desire to speak my partner’s love language. What do you recommend?

What do you request of your spouse most often? If you are saying “Will you give me a back rub?” you are asking for Physical Touch. “Do you think we could get a weekend away this month?” is a request for Quality Time. “Would it be possible for you to mow the grass this afternoon?” expressesyour desire for Acts of Service. (Your answer to these three questions will likely reveal your primary love language.)

20. Does Dr. Chapman do private counseling?

One husband told me that he discovered his love language by simply following the process of limination. He knew that Receiving Gifts was not his language so that left only four. He asked himself, “If I had to give up one of the four, which one would I give up first?” His answer was Quality Time. “Of the three remaining, if I had to give up another, which one would I give up?” He concluded that apart from sexual intercourse, he could give up Physical Touch. He could get along without the pats and hugs and holding hands. This left Acts of Service and Words of Affirmation. While he appreciated the things his wife did for him, he knew that her affirming words were really what gave him life. He could go a whole day on a positive comment from her. Thus, Words of Affirmation was his primary love language and Acts of Service his secondary love language.